Your Love Is My Drug

In a recent psychology lecture we engaged in a conversation about dopamine and liking, wanting, and reinforcement–better known as the the three components of reward. Through the conversation came the experiment of the Olds and Milner rats, which utilized lab rats, an electrified grid, and electrical stimulation of the brain. The rats circled the cage until they found a particular area or a device that provided the means for receiving a brain stimulation. In some cases the rats would run across an electrified grid to receive the brain stimulation. The rats would stop at nothing to have their brains, or medial forebrain bundles, stimulated by an outside source. This cycle would continue to go, and go, and go, and go. And then go a little more. Some of the rats would continue for up to 24 hours, never lifting their "feet," from the pedal that administered the simulation. It reminds me of a familiar song from middle school days...

Because your love, your love, your love is my drug

Your love, your love, your love
(I said)
Your love, your love, your love is my drug
Your love, your love, your love
[from Your Love is My Drug by Ke$sha]

But the rats never reached satiation. 

They were never fully satisfied.

Each rat would continue, hoping to finally feel successful or filled with the stimulation. They wished to feel full. But the stimulation never stopped flowing, it didn't fully provide.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the rat. 

I constantly search for ways to satisfy the holes in my heart, to feel full and satisfied. Grades, relationships, clubs, organizations, athletics, college events, friends, family, happiness, food, and so many other things compete to fill me. No matter how hard I try, or how hard I press a lever to receive stimulation, I will continue to be like the rat, without satiation. Unlike the rats we have an answer to feeling fully satisfied and it's ~Jesus~. In Ephesians 4:10 it says, "He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe." Jesus fills the whole universe and everything in it, which includes us! Jesus allows us to feel full, we reach satiation through him. Through Jesus we don't have to worry about continuing to live like the lab rats. We don't have to keep pressing the level hoping to get a glimpse of feeling full, because through his word and a relationship with him we feel complete and whole.

The love of Jesus is addicting and once you get a taste of it there is no turning back. Through his love you experience things that otherwise would not have been possible. He makes everything good and fills you with joy. "Love never fails," (1 Corinthians 13: 8) and, therefore, Jesus never fails. The Lord is love, He is joy, He is filling, He gives life. 

Be confident that a relationship with the Lord will satisfy your heart. Seek to spend time at his feet and soak in His word. He fulfills promises and makes us full. We need the Lord, like the rats need the stimulation, he administers the love and we receive it. 

Lord I find you in the seeking

Lord I find you in the doubt

And to know you is to love you

And to know so little else

I need you

Oh how I need you

Oh how I need you

Oh how I need you

[All Sons & Daughters–Oh How I Need You]

Constant(ly Changing)

Many students are immersing themselves in a culture of change (or have done so already). College move in is upon me. While nerves exist regarding moving to a new state with new friends, there is so much joy surrounding this occasion. This is the time to discover the root of my personality and grow as a unique individual. However recently I have been thinking about all of the change coming my way. Don't get me wrong, I love change and experiencing new things! The change of college is different. Separation from family, life long friends, normal schooling, and the place I've lived for over eighteen years. It becomes overwhelming. There have been a few times where I've become completely overwhelmed by the amount of change I am about to experience. I keep thinking, nothing is going to be the same. 

Jesus is.

Jesus stays the same and is constantly by my side. 

In science experiments there are always control groups and constants. The control group serves as a reference point for the experimenters as they examine the results of the other test groups. This special group is the cornerstone, reference point, and foundation of the experiment. Without this group the results could not be properly interpreted. Constants serve as equal playing fields to ensure all test groups receive equal exposure to elements. Jesus is the control group. Jesus is the constant. In an ever-moving, ever-changing world Jesus serves as a point of reference and the element that controls our exposure to grace, mercy, and love. Without Jesus we wouldn't understand what happens when love and grace are added to the experiment of life. He provides the foundation of understanding, as long as we are still and listen. One of my favorite verses is {Psalm 46:10} "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The Head and The Heart sings a song called Let's Be Still and points to a common theme of rest and recollection. When I'm jamming in the car or doing homework and this song comes on Spotify I am reminded to take time to stop and rest. Soak up the word, seek Jesus, and learn to see him as the {CONSTANT} of the experiment of life. 

A lil of THATH Let's Be Still:

The world's just spinning 

A little to fast

If things don't slow down soon we might not last. 

So just for the moment, let's be still.

Storms fading into Sunset

Well it has been a crazy few months filled with new beginnings and bittersweet endings. Graduation from high school brought many joyful moments as I looked to the horizon called my future. Getting to move to a new city in a new state with new people and new opportunities (so much new) became exciting yet apprehension still lingered in many corners of my mind. As the questions, "what are you planning on studying?" and "what is your plan?" became more popular the apprehension began to establish residence in more areas of my mind. Overwhelmed was an understatement. Some of the things I felt were concrete began to slowly slip from my tight grip. Majors and careers flew out the window and I was left grasping for any bit of sanity concerning my academics. I knew I enjoyed photography, dance, traveling, and critiquing films but there was little concrete evidence left about my intended course of study...biology. I joined the ranks of hundreds (maybe a thousand) cavaliers who wanted to study bio in the fall. One of many, not unique, not different, not me. In my eighteen years I have continually strived to set myself apart from my peers; one of the many reasons I'm the only one attending UVA in the fall. The ending of senior year brought forth uncertainties I was not ready to deal with, but the storm of uncertainty, doubt, and apprehension has begun to fade into a stunning sunset. 

Sunsets turn daylight into mysterious swirls of purple, pink, yellow, gold, orange, and blue. Each color serves to balance the others in one picture, yet each stands on its own. I look forward to sunsets, especially when I am only surrounded by nature. Recently I have taken time to surround myself with nature, putting away a huge distraction I call my iPhone. Nature is a pretty amazing, living metaphor for human existence. God is a pretty amazing artist and his canvas called earth can be examined to find some hidden truths. On my many recent road trips to the mountains and beach I have driven through storms. Storms with lightening and heart shattering thunder mixed with a good dose of pouring rain. Intense. During some of the storms I questioned whether they were going to lift. Storms create stress especially when the driver can't see a few feet in front of them. Yet the driver trusts and keeps following the flashing lights in front of them, knowing that if they tread lightly and cover the break they will remain on the safety of black pavement. Eventually the sun peaks from behind a cloud, the rain slows to a drizzle, and sometimes a rainbow or two appears. If the timing is right the sun starts to melt below the horizon and the sky becomes painted in unfathomable colors. Life. 

We experience storms everyday. Storms that leave us waiting and hoping for a glimpse of sunshine. We work hard to overcome the difficulties, persevere, and fight. No matter what we are facing, in the end there are always joyful times of peace {the sunsets}. Sunsets are rewarding and make fighting the storm worthwhile. The brief moments experienced gawking at the color show unfurling around us are peaceful and the pace of life slows. Storms are exhausting and leave us wanting a little bit of sunshine and clear skies. Even when the end doesn't seem near the sun randomly appears and creates a sunset or rainbow to be enjoyed by the passerby. No matter how nasty or awful the storm is, it always dissipates and dissolves into something more magnificent. Using nature as a source for understanding life has been pretty cool and has opened many doors to opportunity. My uncertainty and doubt has melted into joy and anticipation as I begin my next journey. I am truly excited because I know that God has something wonderful planned. All of my apprehension has been transformed into understanding. 

One of my favorite authors, Judah Smith (he lives in Seattle so he's got to be pretty cool) just wrote a book called Life is ____ and he commented, "The real problem isn't that we have a lot going on. Rather, it's the attitudes that these things produce in us: busyness, urgency, anxiety, worry, and stress. And the antidote is the peace that God gives." He urges the reader to sit at the feet of Jesus and seek Him as the source of peace. This is my challenge and something I have been continuing to work on. During the storms trust that Jesus is going to bring forth a sunset or sunrise and understand that His timing is better than our own. 

|| Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Psalm 143:8 ||

Snow Day #5

Adventuring with God

So it has been awhile...

Life has been full of papers, tests, more papers, projects, skiing down slopes in Colorado, and meeting new friends. Despite the stress and anxiety filled weeks ,I have found the opportunity to dive deeper into my faith and exploration of the world. Here are a few pictures from my explorations of the past few weeks (maybe month)...

Every moment has made me realize that the problems I am experiencing are not as big as they seem. As I was emerging on the blackjack lift out of the Copper Bowl, in a recent trip to Colorado, I looked out at the mountain ranges that surrounded me. In the distance I could see super adventurous and fearless skiers (and boarders) going down a trail leading into the copper bowl. I was looking at the size of the mountain, the enormous trees, and the tiny dots of people that were navigating the tricky terrain. It was in this moment that it hit me...my problems are not large enough that they should consume me. The worry about college and where I was going to go in the future and the looming film paper that hung in my direct future began to disappear. While the issues and worries I was facing were important they were not consuming. God was consuming ("For our God is a consuming Fire," Hebrews 12:29). If the God that I pray to everyday, and who's word I read, created the large landscape around me, how could I not trust him with my worries? My problems were small compared to the mighty work of his hand. The song "my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do,"can not be more than true. Having the ability to grow in relationship with the creator of this world is a pretty cool idea. This brings me adventuring on the journey God has planned for me. Recently I was given the opportunity to speak at the FCA at my school, something I would have never done as a Freshman or Sophomore or Junior or frankly earlier this year. For some reason I felt compelled to tell my story. Battling "how to be a Christian," was something I faced for a long time until I realized it was about a relationship with God and learning to trust his plan. Through the death of a friend and grandfather, going to a new school, stress of grades, and applying for college I learned that God could do {immeasurably} more then I could ever ask or imagine. So in conclusion (sorry this has been another rambling thought of mine) I have learned true trust and that even though I don't know what my future holds, I know who holds my future. And to me that is pretty refreshing!!

Finding Joy in the Ordinary

As the new year rolls in I have begun to think what I want to achieve in the coming year. I realized the answer is simple. I want to find joy in the ordinary. There are so many beautiful places, people, and objects that are looked over everyday and I want to be the one to dig deep and discover the beauty that is found in all of God's creation.

{He has made everything beautiful in its time," Ecclesiastes 3:11}

This is a verse that has been coursing through my mind for the last few days and it is a verse I want to pick apart and delve into. As I begin the journey of becoming an explorer of the world I will need to keep this verse close at hand. How wonderful is it that God created this entire world yet knows us by name? The journey of exploration that I am on is full of discovering more about my Savior, creating a stronger relationship, and noticing minute details that surround me every day. In a world that is constantly changing I can turn to God who's time span is infinite. I guess some infinities are bigger than other infinities (The Fault in Our Stars anyone?). 

So after this long spew of words and jumbled messages, the main goal of this blog is to document my adventures and thoughts as I grow closer to God and begin to notice the stories unfurling around me. Just remember everything is beautiful, you just have to look a little closer! xoxo