Mountain Tops

Over the summer I spent a month living in Antigua, Guatemala. During my time I engaged in conversations with the locals (well, attempted to), drank lots of coffee, and accepted adventures as they came my way.

There was one adventure unlike any other—the night I slept on the volcano Acatenango.  It was a grueling 10 miles up. My friend Emily and I were told the hike was worth the intense pain we would experience along the way, so we got a group together and set out early on a Saturday morning. It was a test of endurance and we didn't know what to expect. We arrived at the base of the volcano as rain started to come down. The next step was to put on rain jackets, strap on our packs, reposition our sleeping bags, and jackets and then begin our ascent.

trail near the summit

It was hard. The beginning had us grasping for air as the path (made of volcanic ash) went straight up ahead of us. Each step forward led to a slight slip backwards, due to the makeup of the path. Slipping was inevitable. Every step became more difficult and I kept thinking there is NO way I'm going to make it to the campsite. We had breaks throughout the trek as we passed through cornfields, jungles, dry forests, cloud forests, and the barren top of the volcano. We traveled as a group but it was an individual experience. Everyone handled the situation differently. Some stopped to take pictures of the scenery, some walked quickly, other slowly, large steps, small steps, long breaks, short breaks, etc. Each experience as unique as the individual on the trip. It was the rain, sweat, laughter, tears, struggle to get air, and landscapes along the way that made the whole trip worth it. Upon making it to our campsite (many hours later) a storm came. The tent shook with such intensity, the volcano next to us erupted, the wind howled, and our belongings slowly became wet.

views from the top

Sunday morning we woke up at 3:30am to climb to the summit of Acatenago to catch the sunrise—the moment we had been waiting for. It was suppose to be spectacular. Views of Fuego as it erupted next to us, magma spilling down the sides, colors unfurling in the sky above; however, we had a different experience. Our summit experience was glum and foggy, as we sat in the 30 degree temp in a cloud of grey (yes, we wore winter jackets in central america). It was a bummer. We sat shivering looking at the grey volcanic ash that was no less than 10 meters from where we stood. There was no changing the circumstances so we spent time filling our lungs with oxygen. On the way down (the in between)  the sunrise was beautiful. The valley stretched our below, we could see for miles—Amazing! It was exactly what I wanted it to be...an adventure.

what we experienced (above) vs. what we
expected to experience (below)

I think life goes a lot like this hike sometimes. We constantly look towards what is to come—the destination—and forget about the in between. If I didn't enjoy the journey up the volcano, the summit would've been pointless. I would not be writing or reflecting on my time on that volcano. I would despise it for the beauty it did not show. It was in the laughter, and the struggle of the climb that I found the most joy. The moment where I realized how blessed I was to endure an intense hike made it all worth it. It was the in between that was the sweetest, not the beginning and not the end. Recently I  have been learning about the in between, about patience in the wait. Transformation happens in the transition, we learn by going and seeking, we learn by waiting. In the unknown of the trail we can experience the sweetest joys, such as a sunrise or magma spilling out of a volcano. God is visible in the waiting for we are the most vulnerable as we wait for what is come. Embrace this time.

sunrise on the descent from the summit

Ben Rector sings "Cause life is not the mountain tops, It's the walking in between." Yes, the mountain top experiences are amazing but if you don't enjoy the different terrains and experiences, the pictures at the top are worth nothing. Each individual takes the road to the top differently (some slow, some fast) but somehow we can end up at the same place. During this season as we get ready to transition into a new year, to a new time, embrace the in between. Embrace the moment and where God is taking you. For the smallest of moments can bring joy to the ordinary. Become alive in the in between, as Jesus uses these moments to bring about change. For Jesus is on the opposite side of the in between, waiting as we journey with Him to the end. How sweet it is!

fuego ft. emily

campsite ft. volcan Agua in the background

They See Me Roller Skating

Imagine a hundred plus kids recklessly skating around a rink—kids are falling, dancing, singing, going by at wicked speeds, or at a slow crawl around the outside. Every Tuesday, for eight weeks, the camp I worked at would take a field trip. The trips ranged from the NC Zoo to bowling to my favorite, Jelly Beans. Tuesdays at Jelly Beans were fun but also full of fear as many kids strapped on roller skates (or blades, whichever is you prefer) for the first time and attempted to make it to the rink. In some cases I was directly guiding kids and assisting to their needs, while at other times I was skating around singing and dancing with the kids who knew how to skate. Both occasions were fun, but there was something special about being able to help the little ones.

At one point I entered the rink and grasped the hand of a six year old who was struggling to make her way around the rink. She held on for dear life and wouldn't let go—even when she was sliding left, right, forward, backward. The little girl had no clue what she was doing, but she trusted that I did. She believed that if she held on at the end of unsteady moment she would once again return to being on her feet. In the moment of aiding the six year old I took a moment to look around at the other counselors skating around the rink. Many of them were swooping in to teach kids the basics of roller skating, even if that meant they were moving six inches every thirty seconds. I watched them as kids used them for stability, without even questioning if there was a better option. Kids grabbed on tight when they were teetering the most AND when they were skating smoothly.

It was in this moment that I realized how skating is like our relationship with Jesus. So many times we forget that holding on to God is for all moments, not just when we are having trouble keeping our balance. In Matthew 18 Jesus calls us to "become like little children," and I believe my experience at Jelly Beans was an incredible reminder of what He meant. I so often hold onto Jesus tighter when I become a little unsteady or unsure of the next step I should take. While I am trusting, I'm not relinquishing full control. Jesus wants us to hold his hand and take steps with Him in every moment. The Lord wants us to have the full trust of a child, in all situations. Whether we are learning to skate with Him for the first time or if we've been skating for years. So if I am in the middle of singing and dancing without a care in the world or I'm grasping on for life hoping not to fall again, I will trust in Jesus. I will hold his hand as He guides me through His story. Because the story of Jesus is far greater than my own! Cling to the fact that your story is God's story and is being intricately woven to redeem and restore. Jesus is the only one that fills us up and makes us whole—the one who created the mountains and seas is calling you to Him. How will you answer?

Amos 4:13

"He who forms the mountains,

who creates the wind,

and who reveals his thoughts to mankind,

who turns to darkness,

and treads on the heights of the earth—

the Lord God Almighty is his name."

Fresh Coat of Paint

Weekend projects are in my blood. Home Depot was my home away from home as child, and a place I spent many of my Saturday mornings. From the simple projects of putting paint on a wall or moving around furniture to laying tile floors and making backsplashes. The satisfaction of checking off a project provided SO much rejuvenation. 

Transformation. 

Painting–it all starts with a gallon of paint and dash of motivation to revamp a room. Pictures and art from past decorations must be taken down and the holes filled and then sanded down. The next step is outlining the room with a brush, a tedious but necessary task. With drop cloths covering the ground, the walls can then be saturated using a roller covered in paint. Sometimes it takes two or three coats to evenly cover the space and cover up a dark color that previously stood.  

 Life with Jesus is a whole lot like painting a room. 

Jesus is transformative, he covers you in love like a fresh coat of paint. But life before Jesus is confusing and driven by a consuming worry of self image. We become a safe harbor for anchors of grief, worry, stress, anxiety, and more blemishes than our mind can fathom. Our walls become covered in markings that we would rather not acknowledge. It's overwhelming...BUT with Jesus, we are made new. The holes in our walls, the marks from where furniture left a scratch, or the place where a child accidentally created an original piece of art, are painted over. Dark colors are turned light, and there is an overwhelming feeling of freshness, a new beginning. When we enter a relationship with Jesus, we are born again, made new and given a new start–a blank slate!!

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:

The old has gone, the new is here!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

With Jesus our blemishes are taken away; however, there are times where dents or markings can't be fully repaired. My mom likes to say these spots contribute to the "character," of the room. While these things can't be fully restored to previous condition, they are stilled covered in the paint, "Jesus." It's part of our testimony, what leads us to Jesus and is used by Jesus to show his compassion for us. 

At times painting can get tiring and we want to give up. After about two walls we wonder, what's the point? It looked okay before... but we have to keep trucking because a half painted room is not part of the design plan (and let's be honest, it just doesn't look good). With Jesus we aren't left as a half finished project finished, he covers us in more love than we could imagine. He finishes the job and makes touch ups to ensure we are FULLY loved and are covered so we can share his love with others. 

I'm glad I've been painted with Jesus and that my blemishes and scars can now be used to further his Kingdom, it's all part of my story and one I'm glad I get to share!!

Josh Garrels "Born Again" //

I cry at your feet, wounded for me

And all of the monsters and men

But here in your light

We can begin again

I'm my mother's child

I'm my father's son

It took me a while

But my time has come

To be born again

Your Love Is My Drug

In a recent psychology lecture we engaged in a conversation about dopamine and liking, wanting, and reinforcement–better known as the the three components of reward. Through the conversation came the experiment of the Olds and Milner rats, which utilized lab rats, an electrified grid, and electrical stimulation of the brain. The rats circled the cage until they found a particular area or a device that provided the means for receiving a brain stimulation. In some cases the rats would run across an electrified grid to receive the brain stimulation. The rats would stop at nothing to have their brains, or medial forebrain bundles, stimulated by an outside source. This cycle would continue to go, and go, and go, and go. And then go a little more. Some of the rats would continue for up to 24 hours, never lifting their "feet," from the pedal that administered the simulation. It reminds me of a familiar song from middle school days...

Because your love, your love, your love is my drug

Your love, your love, your love
(I said)
Your love, your love, your love is my drug
Your love, your love, your love
[from Your Love is My Drug by Ke$sha]

But the rats never reached satiation. 

They were never fully satisfied.

Each rat would continue, hoping to finally feel successful or filled with the stimulation. They wished to feel full. But the stimulation never stopped flowing, it didn't fully provide.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the rat. 

I constantly search for ways to satisfy the holes in my heart, to feel full and satisfied. Grades, relationships, clubs, organizations, athletics, college events, friends, family, happiness, food, and so many other things compete to fill me. No matter how hard I try, or how hard I press a lever to receive stimulation, I will continue to be like the rat, without satiation. Unlike the rats we have an answer to feeling fully satisfied and it's ~Jesus~. In Ephesians 4:10 it says, "He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe." Jesus fills the whole universe and everything in it, which includes us! Jesus allows us to feel full, we reach satiation through him. Through Jesus we don't have to worry about continuing to live like the lab rats. We don't have to keep pressing the level hoping to get a glimpse of feeling full, because through his word and a relationship with him we feel complete and whole.

The love of Jesus is addicting and once you get a taste of it there is no turning back. Through his love you experience things that otherwise would not have been possible. He makes everything good and fills you with joy. "Love never fails," (1 Corinthians 13: 8) and, therefore, Jesus never fails. The Lord is love, He is joy, He is filling, He gives life. 

Be confident that a relationship with the Lord will satisfy your heart. Seek to spend time at his feet and soak in His word. He fulfills promises and makes us full. We need the Lord, like the rats need the stimulation, he administers the love and we receive it. 

Lord I find you in the seeking

Lord I find you in the doubt

And to know you is to love you

And to know so little else

I need you

Oh how I need you

Oh how I need you

Oh how I need you

[All Sons & Daughters–Oh How I Need You]

Constant(ly Changing)

Many students are immersing themselves in a culture of change (or have done so already). College move in is upon me. While nerves exist regarding moving to a new state with new friends, there is so much joy surrounding this occasion. This is the time to discover the root of my personality and grow as a unique individual. However recently I have been thinking about all of the change coming my way. Don't get me wrong, I love change and experiencing new things! The change of college is different. Separation from family, life long friends, normal schooling, and the place I've lived for over eighteen years. It becomes overwhelming. There have been a few times where I've become completely overwhelmed by the amount of change I am about to experience. I keep thinking, nothing is going to be the same. 

Jesus is.

Jesus stays the same and is constantly by my side. 

In science experiments there are always control groups and constants. The control group serves as a reference point for the experimenters as they examine the results of the other test groups. This special group is the cornerstone, reference point, and foundation of the experiment. Without this group the results could not be properly interpreted. Constants serve as equal playing fields to ensure all test groups receive equal exposure to elements. Jesus is the control group. Jesus is the constant. In an ever-moving, ever-changing world Jesus serves as a point of reference and the element that controls our exposure to grace, mercy, and love. Without Jesus we wouldn't understand what happens when love and grace are added to the experiment of life. He provides the foundation of understanding, as long as we are still and listen. One of my favorite verses is {Psalm 46:10} "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The Head and The Heart sings a song called Let's Be Still and points to a common theme of rest and recollection. When I'm jamming in the car or doing homework and this song comes on Spotify I am reminded to take time to stop and rest. Soak up the word, seek Jesus, and learn to see him as the {CONSTANT} of the experiment of life. 

A lil of THATH Let's Be Still:

The world's just spinning 

A little to fast

If things don't slow down soon we might not last. 

So just for the moment, let's be still.

Storms fading into Sunset

Well it has been a crazy few months filled with new beginnings and bittersweet endings. Graduation from high school brought many joyful moments as I looked to the horizon called my future. Getting to move to a new city in a new state with new people and new opportunities (so much new) became exciting yet apprehension still lingered in many corners of my mind. As the questions, "what are you planning on studying?" and "what is your plan?" became more popular the apprehension began to establish residence in more areas of my mind. Overwhelmed was an understatement. Some of the things I felt were concrete began to slowly slip from my tight grip. Majors and careers flew out the window and I was left grasping for any bit of sanity concerning my academics. I knew I enjoyed photography, dance, traveling, and critiquing films but there was little concrete evidence left about my intended course of study...biology. I joined the ranks of hundreds (maybe a thousand) cavaliers who wanted to study bio in the fall. One of many, not unique, not different, not me. In my eighteen years I have continually strived to set myself apart from my peers; one of the many reasons I'm the only one attending UVA in the fall. The ending of senior year brought forth uncertainties I was not ready to deal with, but the storm of uncertainty, doubt, and apprehension has begun to fade into a stunning sunset. 

Sunsets turn daylight into mysterious swirls of purple, pink, yellow, gold, orange, and blue. Each color serves to balance the others in one picture, yet each stands on its own. I look forward to sunsets, especially when I am only surrounded by nature. Recently I have taken time to surround myself with nature, putting away a huge distraction I call my iPhone. Nature is a pretty amazing, living metaphor for human existence. God is a pretty amazing artist and his canvas called earth can be examined to find some hidden truths. On my many recent road trips to the mountains and beach I have driven through storms. Storms with lightening and heart shattering thunder mixed with a good dose of pouring rain. Intense. During some of the storms I questioned whether they were going to lift. Storms create stress especially when the driver can't see a few feet in front of them. Yet the driver trusts and keeps following the flashing lights in front of them, knowing that if they tread lightly and cover the break they will remain on the safety of black pavement. Eventually the sun peaks from behind a cloud, the rain slows to a drizzle, and sometimes a rainbow or two appears. If the timing is right the sun starts to melt below the horizon and the sky becomes painted in unfathomable colors. Life. 

We experience storms everyday. Storms that leave us waiting and hoping for a glimpse of sunshine. We work hard to overcome the difficulties, persevere, and fight. No matter what we are facing, in the end there are always joyful times of peace {the sunsets}. Sunsets are rewarding and make fighting the storm worthwhile. The brief moments experienced gawking at the color show unfurling around us are peaceful and the pace of life slows. Storms are exhausting and leave us wanting a little bit of sunshine and clear skies. Even when the end doesn't seem near the sun randomly appears and creates a sunset or rainbow to be enjoyed by the passerby. No matter how nasty or awful the storm is, it always dissipates and dissolves into something more magnificent. Using nature as a source for understanding life has been pretty cool and has opened many doors to opportunity. My uncertainty and doubt has melted into joy and anticipation as I begin my next journey. I am truly excited because I know that God has something wonderful planned. All of my apprehension has been transformed into understanding. 

One of my favorite authors, Judah Smith (he lives in Seattle so he's got to be pretty cool) just wrote a book called Life is ____ and he commented, "The real problem isn't that we have a lot going on. Rather, it's the attitudes that these things produce in us: busyness, urgency, anxiety, worry, and stress. And the antidote is the peace that God gives." He urges the reader to sit at the feet of Jesus and seek Him as the source of peace. This is my challenge and something I have been continuing to work on. During the storms trust that Jesus is going to bring forth a sunset or sunrise and understand that His timing is better than our own. 

|| Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Psalm 143:8 ||

Snow Day #5